I have mentioned that part of the joy of sabbatical is a return to our senses... experiencing the heightened joys of sight and sound and smell. But this renewed awareness also means a return to conscience, a keen turning toward the inner landscape.
It came to me while I was doing dishes, admiring the way the light shone on the pasture, when suddenly, I was reminded of something I had said. It came back to me, word for word, gesture, inflection, tone. I had been wrong. But how had I not seen it before?
Lord, have mercy.
This is how I know that it is the Spirit, rather than the powers of darkness attempting to discourage me: it came as a specific point of conviction, not as a vague sense of condemnation or an all over sense of feeling bad.
The sense of conviction came when I was ready to hear it and sturdy enough to withstand the gentle blow of correction.
I'm coming to love these moments of clarity, but I know you'll believe me when I say that they are hard. How can I not see these things before they happen? How can I be so blind? Why do I still say things that are so .... not just naive, but offensive, self-centred and un-loving?
This is the good news. The heart, in a supple, restorative state, bathed in grace, can withstand the correction, can receive it like an athlete eager for disciplined training. Things I have regretted: forgetting, raising my voice, being distracted, lacking promptness, choosing negativity, anxiety, worse-case-scenario thinking.
Uproot those things, heave them on the compost pile and plant something good in its place. Choose joy, act promptly and sincerely, let go of the hankering to be in control, trust, believe that all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
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